He is good when I ask for something I probably shouldn't ask for according to many people: patience. Yes, I know. I've heard many times that you don't ask God for patience. You don't know what you're asking for when you ask for that. That is so true. However, I've embraced the challenge and though I've failed many times, I've gotten better at it. Now, I'm naturally very patient. I have a very high tolerance threshold for it. But having a toddler will definitely test your patience. It sure has tested mine. I've failed miserably at it a number of times, but I've always been very successful in finding what works for me when I feel I can't handle it. And when I have failed, my heart breaks afterwards. Failing at patience with a 3 year-old is different than failing at a simple task. Failing at patience with a 3 year-old involves anger and yelling. If you don't feel terrible after that, you're not human. I've never felt so bad when my daughter looked at me so heart broken herself and so disappointed that she couldn't please me enough. Now, when I almost get to the point of "I've had enough", I stop to think about how beautiful and loving she is and how much more happiness she brings into my life than before she came into my life. It's never easy, if anything it's harder. The disobedience and mischievousness is part of her growing up and learning. I have to embrace it and know when to teach her and when to follow her.
Another part of my impatience with her is my own feeling of loneliness. Nobody realizes how hard it is to be a mother and a wife when I feel like I'm doing it alone. It's not my husband's fault. He has a second shift job that pays the bills and puts food on the table. Right now, it's God's will for us to go through this journey. I know it won't be much longer, but we sure would like for Nate to be on first shift ASAP. We've become a stronger Christian couple and a stronger family through this journey. I just pray the journey moves to a first shift journey soon. :) Being a "single" mother is mentally and physically tough. I don't know how all the truly single mothers out there in the world do it, especially without Jesus in their lives. He reminds me that I'm never alone.
He is good at teaching me how to follow Him and doing what he says to do when he says to do it. I've worked hard at decreasing our debt, which is mostly mine due to student loans. However, I need to work harder at it. Through this I've learned that I have much more than I need, materially. Why do I have all this stuff? It may be surprising to many, but I could do without an actual TV. Yes, I said TV. No, I didn't say internet. LOL. I don't need that new car just, yet. Quit being greedy. Eventually, I get that bigger house that I think I need now.
Another part of following the Lord is finding my place in the workplace. In a perfect world where we are perfect citizens and perfect with handling our money, I would not have to work. But that's not the case and many of you moms out there can relate. Reality is I do have to work. That's ok. I don't mind having to work. At this point in my career and my life, I don't mind working as long as it's at the right place for the right reasons. The Lord taught me how to follow with my previous job. He told me that I had to move on and I didn't when he told me to. So something drastic had to happen. It was devastating but necessary. I can't be complacent and stagnant. I must keep moving forward and use my talents for Him. This job I have now, I asked for. It's not the ideal place but for some reason I felt like it was for me. When I asked, he gave it to me. I initially thought it was going to be a long term situation but His plans did not call for that. They were my plans;I wanted it to be long term. I recently realized, it was just a detour, a realization that this was not the end all be all of jobs. I've longed to be at a place where I can make a difference and the organization I work for makes a positive difference. So, at His command, I followed. I started looking for a new job. It's not just any job; I have to be more thoughtful about what, when and where. I've been at it for about 5 weeks now. Over and over during this short time, He has reminded me that He is control and He will fulfill my desire. I've had one interview that was highly promising but the person who left the position returned. I wasn't absolutely sure about it and I believe it was God's way of telling me it seemed right but it wasn't. I had a positive response to an application but it ended with no interview and the position being "
He's so good because He shows me through the little things how big He is. The spontaneous, unexpected things my child will say or do that reminds me we're doing a great job at being Christian parents. I see His beauty in nature, like the 2 beautiful rainbows I saw in the sky one day. Through deaths and unfortunate happenings of family members and friends, I'm reminded of the unknowns that He protects me from and keeps me safe. Finding $money$ I forgot I had in a jacket pocket, yes, even that reminds me that He knows what I need when I need it. The little things. They are wonderful, because He is wonderful.
God's been so good to me, especially this year. I can't wait for what's in store in 2013. I'm excited to learn and to follow further down the path he has created just for me. I'll never be perfect and I'll stumble even on the right path, but He's always their to pick me up and show me the right way.
Next time you want to complain, think about your many blessings.
12/21/12 Update- So the world is still in tact and my interview went great. I've been unsure until now. God wants me to step out of my comfort zone once again. Don't question the things he's placed in front of me just because I FEEL awkward. There I go "feeling" again. I know it's natural, but He requires faith and that's supernatural.
